>Jamie, > > I can't help but be in the position that I'm in regarding my >opinion of Christianity. I'm a bit like Paul (Tuna)--I'm a man of >little faith, unfortunately. I can only see Jesus as an example of >how to live our lives--the only perfect example. But because I fail >so often and in the long run can't forgive myself for the things I've >done wrong in the past, I make it difficult for my spirit to grow in >love. I may sound like I'm babbling here but what I am trying to say >is that I want to move on but really don't know how to do it. God has >never been real in my life and so I've judged Christianity continually >by what Christians do. And thus, I have disconnected myself from it. Hello again Kevin. I spoke to Paul today at his apartment. We had a good 2 1/2 hour conversation, but what I gathered from the conversation is that Paul is confused and doesn't understand what true Christianity is. He doesn't understand sin, forgiveness, or faith. None of us can fully understand them, but Christians as they grow learn to understand them. I told Paul today, "It's not how long one has had faith; it's whether they have faith at all that counts." Is Jesus more than just a perfect example in your view? Is He the source of your salvation and the ground of your hope? Kevin, I fail often....I die daily... That is part of growing. When the Holy Spirit convicts me of a sin, I pray for forgiveness and I pray for guidance on the path of repentance. It has to be in the heart to repent and I must confess that there have been times where I gave Him lip service only to fail again. I have learned that it is impossible for me to live righteously on my own effort. The only way to live righteously is through Jesus Christ. I can relate to you as far as things I have done wrong in the past. When I was 1 year old spiritually (a few years ago), I failed Christ in huge ways repeatedly. Even after declaring to God that I wouldn't do it again, I did it again. It took a long time to learn to resist the temptation that I gave into so frequently....in this case, it was lust (not just mentally, but physically). It took me a long time to get over the guilt after I finally and truly repented. From time to time, Satan will attack and try to remind me of the past, but when Satan reminds you of your past, remind him of his future (Revelation 20:10). Satan attacks you, me, and countless others with our pasts....especially pre-Christian pasts. When such attacks occur, do an R&R--Resist and Rebuke. In James 4:7, the Word says, "...resist the devil and he will flee from you." In Luke 10:18-20, Jesus says, "I saw Satan fall from lightning from Heaven. I give you the authority to trample on snakes and crush scorpions. Nothing will harm you. But do not rejoice that evil spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in Heaven." Sometimes, I feel the attacks coming on and then I rebuke it in Jesus' Name and command by Christ's authority that the evil leaves. I pray to God on behalf of His church--the true believers--for Deliverance and Protection from all evil hindrance and harm. I pray for Faith that is unwavering giving no foothold to evil and no compromise to this world. Along with this, pray for strength to stand firm and resist evil. And when you pray, believe that what you are praying will happen with a hope almost as if it has happened. This is a prayer of faith. Read James 5 about the prayer of faith. I know that it is easy to get discouraged when you see Christians fail. Christians aren't perfect, but they are forgiven. Hebrews 9:12 talks about the ONCE and FOR ALL sacrifice that Jesus made on the cross before resurrecting. Christians, while they strive to be Christlike, are still human. This doesn't give Christians an excuse to sin as they please, but it further emphasizes our need for God. Even if Christians or "Christians" fail all around you, focus on Christ. Focus on Christ to walk on the water, don't worry about the waves at your side. Know where you stand even if others fall. God does call us to restore our brothers and sisters who are in sin (beginning of Galatians 6); we are not to ignore those who fail, but help them as Christ helps us and others help us, but strive to focus by God's Grace on His Son Jesus Christ and rely on the Spirit so that nothing may bring you down. Kevin, you have already taken a step to change. You have realized the need. That is the first step. While I cannot change you, I can pray for you. Christ will change a heart that is willing to change. If God moves you to do so, rededicate your life to Jesus Christ with Him as Lord and Savior of your life. Leave the past behind, forget about the past, and press on for the goal of God's calling in Christ (Read Ephesians 3:13-14 and 4:13). Do some praying, Kevin. You are not alone when you pray. Read Colossians 2:4-5. I don't mean to tell you to read a lot, but I put verses for reference. Get into the Word. The Word is not only the Sword of the Spirit (Ephesians 6:10-20), but it is also spiritual food (Deuteronomy 8:3) to grow. Pray for your spiritiual growth. Rely on God's grace and when you mess up, realize that Jesus is there reaching out His hand to lift you up, carry you, and get you back on your feet. Deny Self. Rely on God. That is the key to faith, and a lesson that I sometimes fail, but "Approach the Throne of Grace with confidence so that you may receive help in your time of need." Hebrews 4:16. Don't let Satan tell you that you are unworthy to go before the throne of grace. When I sin, the first thing I need to do is go to the Throne of Grace. Satan wants to prevent that. Rebuke him in Jesus' Name and go to God in prayer. . . . > > Why can't I let go of myself, > why can't I let go? > > Kevin With Christ in the picture, there is no can't. You can let go of yourself. Resist evil, rebuke it. Approach God's throne with confidence. Leave the past behind, and press on for Christ. PRAY. I will be praying for you. You can let go. Deny self. Do these things by God's grace. They may not all come at once or over night. It may take time, and it will take prayer. I've got a secret weapon...I'll pray for you. In Christ, Jamie P.S. Kevin, . . . I am with you in prayer. And remember, Jesus loves you, Kevin.